i have an everlasting headache

and i don't know where it comes from

i could think of so very many sources.

.. and no one seems to fit. but hey. the REASON i guess is that headaches often leads to/are due to scatterbrains.
i'm sorry, brain of mine. i'm sorry for all the stress i've put you through. (or haven't?!?!)

i just want to keep on killing you with alcohol.

and i guess you want the same.

i'm this >.< close to either killing myself OR heading downstairs to pop open a lukewarm beer from sweeden.

to kill you.

brain of mine.


or at least kick the remains of you around.

no. i'm just. uptight.

uptight.


yes. listening to folk right now. or some folky music. i guess. i don't really know anymore.
it's music, okay. WHOA, a fucking trumpet appeared. what is going on. growing on.

i just have this need to escape. to re-invent. to refurnish. to change bad habits and create spaces where there was none.
to make the bed and eat organic nuts

life is pretty damn useless when all you do is kick your mess around.

i must stop being so unfair to it. life. i'm sorry i've left you behind. i guess i try to speed up in order to catch you from the behind. you know. where do circles begin? if you go straight along enough you'll end up where you were.
life. where.
do you.
begin.


life is not endless.

and the moment you realise that you're going do die, you get so freaking scared you immediately start shaking. shivering.
peculiar enough. that's your reaction to the action. to die. you shiver.

you think of everything you haven't done yet. you think you must speed up your life.
but the moment you walk off the bus, everything's forgotten.

when are we ever alive. is it in the contrasts of good times and bad times? leisure and work? festivals and commitments?

between a good and a bad song?
the contrasts. the waves. ups and downs. "the inbetween is the everything"

i don't know. i just know i don't want to be totally ignorant anymore.

careface

i just need to get rid of this headache first.

so i can continue writing things only I read.
here.
wonderful.

wonderland.

wonder.
"i wonder nothing, just put my show back on!"
- homer simpson

god, i love that man.