hi there and please keep moving

tucker and spence
it's all nice on ice.

sixpence

beer is a lovely concept. i'm thinking about washing my hair in it today.
yes. there's nothing like an improper waste of some really proper beer.

the bubbly sensation of it i reckon will be worth the money. and also, it's said to be good for your hair. we'll see. i'm hoping for a new 'do.

so enough.

already.

my mind keeps complaining and my body does not listen

shuteye and shutdown

i'm in that trap again
i need to snap out of it.

i won't allow myself any treats, almost. some, there is. but they're not fully enjoyed because i'm so convinced i don't deserve them.

i haven't been listening to the new radiohead album, and that's because i don't deserve it. i'm not worthy. i'm not in the right mindset.

or maybe. that album is what'll snap me out of it all again.
but for how long?
habits are stupidly tough to handle. to get rid of. to blame and to shread all over the place. it's an affair i can't get away from. again, it's tough.
or maybe i'm suffering from a big lack of trying. massive.

no visions - no will.
no path - no right direction.
no energy to change - you've become what you hate and you hate what you've become.

it's simple.
in all it's complexity
it's all very simple too.

.snap out of it

i'm very sorry for the insane lack of context, but it kind of describes how i'm feeling (or not feeling. my biggest problem is that i'm so apathic. i'm so numb. all is in vain. it's horrible. at the moment. i seriously love my new job. and i love working hard. i'm motivated. but when i'm not at work, i'm depressed and confused. i need excersise. i need some movement. that's what's going to save me. i'm certain. so certain. i know. but i can't act upon it. no. something keeps me inside. it's you. the fucking computer, you. bloody hell.)

so now that it's all cleared up like a nice blue day in the summer i feel a lot more cheerful than a severed branch with no roots.

:)


oh happy days.



well. stay tuned, i'll be back for more bullcrap later on. or maybe right now??


no. later on.

ta.



fucking off.

visions

i'm trying
and now i get the feedback

no i don't. it's all a wild getup that makes no senes what so ever.

my visions.
for my life.

at the time they're;
wake up
get to the fucking buss
stay the whole day at work
and then (...sJNLGAGmkdMKLFMfdkmkfldaklmKLFMKLADdfglkkgfskmgfsk.---.... BLURR ERRRRR!!!)


so it's hard to stay focused when you've nothing to really focus on

i can visualise a clock. and it tells me what time the bus should arrive and when i should be there. that's it.
i have wishes, but no visions.

wishes for my photography, my guitarplaying, my drawing, my holidays and biking, festivals and concerts, excercise and motion happiness, traveling and graveling, buy a new computer, listen to music while NOT sitting in front of it, create alot of stuff with my hands, get on with my life, my everyday, fill it to the max. live it.

wishes. stuff your day. stay happy and focused. complete tasks/hobbies. come on! fucking hell.

i'm at a place in life where i obviously need to start making lists.
i should do so today. it's saturday. i have nothing but a messy image of it. vague.
i have only a spesific time for the bus to arrive.
but. beyond that.
drink or not drink alcohol?
invite people or stay at home alone in fron of the pc?
clean the house or make more mess?

of myself


rid of me.

rid of my bad breath. focus, damnit.

take a stand. see it through. make a decision. even if it is a bad one. see it through. come on, damnit.


i love being vague cause it keeps me off guard. i hate people and their awful opinions about stuff that's close to my heart.
if i weren't this numb, i'd break down shivering a long time ago.

numb

you know what i mean


numb visions.

this woman

is great art


even tho my drawing of her here won't put that much forward

she is my hero

Let England Shake

and i'll give this shot another shot.

THE FLOW(errr)

i know it damn well
it's not A well
but it makes you feel well

you know
the flow

flow. a state of complete absorbtion

contentment
hours pass and you just don't recognize them as time
you think "another number. how pecuLiar"

it's a given fact that you won't get much done when constantly interrupted
this is a written fact
an observed fact
a researched fact

a fact

it's a logic

fact


i refuse to have any advertisements on this heckhole of a blogspot
just because it's my freespot
free blogspot
blog freespot

it has no goal. it has a net. but yet, it's not a goal. it has a net. a social security net? no. a social murder-net? no. a soci.. wtf.
it's not meant to be social.

it's meant to help me heal me and get the resources i need to nurture my brain

currently pushing myself out of the current
currently listening to lcd soundsystem and thinking "what the hell and why the hell can't i make up my mind about this music?" i simply can't seem to turn it off.
that's a bit off.

it's way off.
and so is this post.
no it's not. it's spot on.
blogspot on.

people are funny

and the things they tell you
makes you laugh

people are funny


not serious

odd gold

some new already to become oldies i found on a pretty special source of bits and pieces.

and may i seriously recommend that you do enlarge them, just to enhance their favors.

a giveaway. once again.

i just happen to be modest. it's not something i've chosed.

hold that thought

in what manner should you care?

i mean. take multitasking. it is one of my biggest problems nowadays, but passed that is just lurking details. perfection is absurd, and i'm a perfectionist. but for who? it is merely for myself and my obsessiveness with it, that i don't publish this blog for more than the very few. it is a bit of a problem and it stresses me. i keep thinking "this isn't good enough, this is not what people/that person want, this is rubbish and this is not what i want"

perfection and multitasking
two matters that don't hold hands
they may shake them
and people looking from outside and in may think
"well isn't this nice"
but i know it's not a marrige at all
it's a hellish situation and my scatterbrain can't seem to stick to an opinion

it's all about moodswings and the bliss that multitasking creates
i'm in my comfortsone when multitasking and i don't have to pay a lot of attention
i just float down the muddy river and keep waiting for the direction to shift me, not otherwise


not only is the perfection a key, my decreased self-esteem is one too. but that is a working matter, that i'm now taking serious care of.
but the constant shift of focus rarely allows me to finnish what i started, the chain of thoughts i had and the really delayed sense of wellbeing that fullfilling a task gives you in return.

i'm creative, but i can't seem to create

any longer

i miss my long concentrationspan.

this is for myself.