all i ever do

my favorite scene from the film

disc over

i've seen some movies lately. i remembered something and checked out if i could do the same.
the answer was - yes. yes i can.

so i did.
i pulled some stills out of a random movie i found on this computer.

i figure i never have to leave the house again in order to take photos.



oh, and this one:

down and under, under and down, dawn and wonder, under the ice, sheets of bleech and bars of steel, pale cale and shallow grinds, people tell stories and you drown, down and under

to know where you come from, to see it all clear
to read and grow,
to feed and have no fear

the coast has a memory of you
it all seem so new

to become a person you must do
something people recognize and find fascinating
something that has value

repeat repeat repeat and die inside the very factory that made you

break out to be free and you die in a vomb

so warm and fresh
so old and hollow
so insane and calm
so clever and unsettled


build me a boat and watch me go under

let me crawl with the crabs
let me sink into the sand
at the deep end
we're all the same

inside and outside,
hairy anyways

you know your ways and i adapt to them
you bleed from a stab in the neck
and i squeeze the fork

drops of lemon and the taste of foul
you've failed me, once again

the teacher looks down and you grab your shirt

you look behind the corner of your eye
and see through the time of your life

to realise is to wake up

coma

i'm old and horrid

and i keep thinking i'm only as good as my references

all i want is to disappear
to lead a short life
and die in a storm

i never think things through anymore
there is no beauty left

there's nothing to read inbetween

it's all empty
lost and all has sailed
it's all words and no order
no meaning
no other

no male,
no woman

i'm bursting
but still together

i'm alone


and the room keep spinning

being depressed is thinking about what you could have done instead of what you actually are doing.

.shout ...out... side.

i have a love. strong love. i have an immense sensation of well-being. of longing and of desire.

a day never passes without me thinking "why am i not playing in a band?"

i think, if i ever were to play in a fucking band, it would sound and look and taste and excite something like this;

pleasewatchmepleasewatchmepleasewatch me  ---- play it play it play with it let it play you


such a sensation.



and i always wonder why i'm stuck here.

always looking for someone to blame.

it's easy.

it's eazy-me.


it's me.
it's mine.
it's my.
blame. it.
on.
the rain inside.
of me.

it's me.

it's more me than mine.



common thief common thief common thief common thief

SAPPY!!!! SAPPY!

SAPPY!!! SApppy......................
zappy
zapp




at least i don't watch the telly anymore. big improvement.
and. i'm not jealous, either.

but. i'm SAPPY

and it makes me

sappy.

this blog was never meant for me to enhance my good aspects

and no, i might not be wrong


i am



i've discovered that the lower you live
the more exciting even the smallest bump in the road seems



i believe


(not really)

 

(but, a little note for those of you who might worry (i really don't understand why. maybe this one really goes to me..) - i mainly sit here and laugh when i write. in fact, i AM the manic depressive laughing-boy.)

problem?

it takes a lot of courage. curry?

sorry for having not been here. i've been. here. but not totally here. hear.
it's hard being a human being when things you once knew takes a sudden turn
i take breathes, life take lifes

yesterday was a weird day in many manners. for example, i didn't use spotify. didn't turn it on, didn't even see their green logo. even if i was sitting infront of the lifeconsuming pc, it didn't happen.
instead i watched crap movies on youtube about eating disorders.
knowing that now, i guess i'll be returning back to my old dynamics
listening to music and reading about it
continuing to build my own reality
out of bits and pieces
and a lot of thoughts

my headache is, this far at least, gone today
i don't know which god to turn to and send MY blessings, but what the hey.

i biked like a hero to Esso before it closed last night. i purchased a movie. hey, they had a sale! what a lovely surprise. so i got two for the laughable price of one - 99,-
the one that i watched first goes by the name of Hancock, and i truly liked that movie in many ways. i like will smith and i like charlize (oh my, she's beautiful! if something, she must be close to my 'ideal' woman) and i liked the fact that their story dates back in that manner. Hancock has amnesia, and doesn't remember how to be nothing but a jerk. he's a drunken superhero who does good deeds, but his bad manners always comes across first and peopke complain and hate him for it. that is indeed something i could easily relate to, because i'm such a jerk myself. i guess having somewhat good intentions doesn't help. you have to wrap them nicely to.
so it's true what women says; "It's not WHAT you said, but the WAY you said it!"
yeye. whatever. i'll be watching this movie again.

time to turn on spotify
if i may
if it's still here
who knows
they tend to change alot

but not as much as facebook
goddamn i hate that fucking place


people form work and work people monitor you on that bloody thing.
people in general don't give a shit.
hey, i don't give a shit
i pretend to be too busy riding my bike or something.
i pretend to have a life besides telling about it
or covering up my lousy one

it's all fake
it's all wrong
it's all right
it's all wrong


your ears should be burning.

and no, i don't care (or mind) right now

and, here's some proof that i haven't done anything exciting since last time i visited you, dear blog;;

sometimes i miss having a real life