eoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow si em

so HELLO





how you doin? just checking.
made this from horses, scissors and patience.

DrivesLesson - i has it. now i envy every car i see. longing to be one of them. or at least able to drive one of them without a worry.
at the moment i just feel weird about not beginning earlier!
or wait. my reasons for delaying the drivers license:
environment
fast-moving metal that kills
environment
lazyness
environment
MONEYYYYY
i don't really need it - it's just a luxury-item

but of course. it certainly is handy. so why deny it. i'll be a lot more free to roam around.

i'm JUST playing my part!

to be on top of yourself

related to the pointy and bitey thing called reality

mentally foggy, drowsy, unexcited. dragging your heavy head while desperatly wanting to burst out in dance and happyness but you don't because "please, think of the opinions"

a grey day on the sidewalk
knowing that you'll soon be in a situation where
all forms of unmannered expression of feelings or words
would be looked upon as disgusting,
instantly judged
forever implied
to the madness of ones mind
which only leads to closed doors
and narrow bridges

who needs halloween when the regular day is this scary?

i'm not depressed, but sheesh, these days hit me often.

that's mainly why i'm still unemployed and currently happy.

current

..

currency

of todays future

log on link in toss out up the ladder
stiff necks and order
rules rolls
heavy eyelids and discotunes

i used to be a perfectly normal and somewhat healthy girl

whatever
main thing is i used to be happy all the time

rubbish!

i used to be focused
i used to work fairly hard and have high standards
i used to have good strong habits and a strickt structure most people would dream off

so where has it all gone now?
i mainly blame myself for letting other people impact me way before i saw the whole picture

i stand back today and realise how i should have reacted at certain times/points of my life

it is rather heartbreaking
what has happened
what i've come to

but mostly i wander about, not caring at all

i create bliss from the strangest, most illegal things
at least, stuff that used to be illegal (i'm thinking of rules that only imply my very self)
so whatever
just whatever
that's usually what gets me through today

a faulty heartwarmer

"there's always tomorrow"
so i'll never change
because 95% of the day i think "i've gotta change" and then i slip right back into the usual tracks again

i hate whatever has become habitual that's not good for me
i can't believe the change i've actually gone through

all because i wanted to be happy
to wake up in a better place
without prejudice and all

the answer is YES i am that lame, being all fuled up on what other people think about me

i'm such trash, i'm so ruined

i'm not alive
i live in regret
i live in bliss
i live in denial

"my ears should be burning"

but again. the last 5% counts the most
somehow
it's easy to not care
to fake an interest
but truly
i am disturbed
like most of us

:)

don't get me wrong i am usually a happy girl
but i have serious issuses
that no one knows about

secret serious issues
how glamorous

i'm laughing :)