hold that thought

in what manner should you care?

i mean. take multitasking. it is one of my biggest problems nowadays, but passed that is just lurking details. perfection is absurd, and i'm a perfectionist. but for who? it is merely for myself and my obsessiveness with it, that i don't publish this blog for more than the very few. it is a bit of a problem and it stresses me. i keep thinking "this isn't good enough, this is not what people/that person want, this is rubbish and this is not what i want"

perfection and multitasking
two matters that don't hold hands
they may shake them
and people looking from outside and in may think
"well isn't this nice"
but i know it's not a marrige at all
it's a hellish situation and my scatterbrain can't seem to stick to an opinion

it's all about moodswings and the bliss that multitasking creates
i'm in my comfortsone when multitasking and i don't have to pay a lot of attention
i just float down the muddy river and keep waiting for the direction to shift me, not otherwise


not only is the perfection a key, my decreased self-esteem is one too. but that is a working matter, that i'm now taking serious care of.
but the constant shift of focus rarely allows me to finnish what i started, the chain of thoughts i had and the really delayed sense of wellbeing that fullfilling a task gives you in return.

i'm creative, but i can't seem to create

any longer

i miss my long concentrationspan.

this is for myself.