there's a truth that's certain. i have a lot of shitty days. so many of which spent in isolation, terrified of despair and collapse. i hide and rot. completely alone, with thoughts no one deserves to hear or be a part of.
it's therefore safer to ignore the world outside of these walls. i manage to keep calm and stay somewhat collected when i don't have to consider the well-being of others. if i were to go out when in an awful shape, the depression gets worse. ten thousand times over or more.
sadly enough, it's a well researched theory that's so close to being a fact, i might very well call it exactly that.
i shouldn't be out amongst people in an attempt to have what is considered a good time when in a completely useless mood. it's disturbing for all of us, i get a lot of awkward questions and looks, and say many an awful thing in order to maintain a distance from further destruction.
this does not make much sense at all. but the truth remains the same. i'm better off left alone. because showing off how incredibly nasty i can be serves nobody.
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