depression and desperation

when pros and cons are the same
when 'one fits all' doesn't fit at all
when being overly critical seems like the most efficient way of doing absolutely nothing
when your busy head wishes it could delegate tasks to others

when everything seems blatantly obvious and you're really hard to surprise

when faking happiness is easier than being truly happy
you just duplicate whatever you observe others do when they're supposed feel good

when denying there's a problem by jumping everywhere, thinking nothing will ever catch up on you

when NO is the answer you automaticly apply to anything

when whatever has the ability to numb you down is the only thing that appears attractive to you

when you percieve everybody as twats and can only hold on to a very small number of people

when you can never summon the ability to care. ever.

when seeing is not believing

when you put A LOT of effort into avoiding situations that's supposed to make you feel

when "do this" makes you turn and run in the oposite direction

when harsh is something you truly deserve and somehow appreciate because it usually brings people down

when the disapointment you inflict upon others is supporting your pathetic excuses

when the 'cue to exit' is everywhere and in everything

when turning your head makes you see nothing new

when an experience has to involve a lot of substances in order to feel somewhat real

when all your cells scream BLEH all the livelong day

when being like this is the new normal and if you experience something that's even remotely off that route, your brain simply panics

when WHEN when when when when when is all you think about

WHEN will this end, WHEN can i get up and out, WHEN can i just become the person that's satisfied with something, anything, WHEN will i bother to get help, WHEN will these stupid beliefs pass, WHEN can i stop constantly bringing myself down, WHEN WHATEVER and alot of fmlsd mkldfnøgnfdsmafg adkmhadf gf fa jjjjjjjjjjjjjjj


meh. carry on. curry on. please. meh.