happy newsyear

i've celebrated by not discountinuing the oversleeping
i drank a few glasses of whine
i resisted the urge to kick something in the face
i saw pulp fiction when i got back home
and didn't feel a thing

to sum up 2010,
i have much to learn
i have to really speed up in 2011 to catch up on all the lost knowledge of 2010

it was in many ways a very selfish year, where the ego got all the last words
being out of work puts you in a real partymode

but life itself did not become less hard work
you lose alot when unemployed
even tho it is quite interesting from time to time;
if you want to walk in the forest
you do it
if you want to bike across the country
you do it
if you want to have fish for dinner that was caught by your filthy arms
you do it
NOW!

if you want to move to bergen
you obviously do it

but all this 'selfishness' (freedom) comes with many a cost

loss of self-esteem being among them


but whatever. this is in the past. or at least that's what the calendar tells me
it was a very good year
it was a very scary year
it was an average year
it was a refurnished year
it was an old and forgotten time of the year
it was a good year for bad mistakes
it was a good year for becoming a buddhist
it was a bad year for ambition and right choices for the future
it was a year that leaves me thinking i could have so much more
it was a year where evangelic moments reached a peak - and then plummeted
it was a year for dreams to occur, but not stay for very long
it was a piece in the jigsaw that's soon to unfold itself

it was a year for admitting ones true problems
because in fact
none of us function properly in the long run
and i sure don't see a reason for us to do so
it is boring

and boring drives me mad
being scared drives me into insanity
but leisure is not the answer

i'm not retired
i'm just not carved out right
it might be blamed on the fact that my mother smoked when she walked the earth pregnant with me
and hit a moose while driving that made a total wreck of the car and the moose itself

no i'm sure that's not it

i think happiness is a fictional carachter
that only comes around if you let it

happiness is hard work
happiness is achieving
happiness is putting your heart and soul into something
happiness is not falling through the ice
happiness is running
happiness is modest and nice
happiness is brutal and leaves you frozen stiff to the memory it left