i'm old and horrid

and i keep thinking i'm only as good as my references

all i want is to disappear
to lead a short life
and die in a storm

i never think things through anymore
there is no beauty left

there's nothing to read inbetween

it's all empty
lost and all has sailed
it's all words and no order
no meaning
no other

no male,
no woman

i'm bursting
but still together

i'm alone


and the room keep spinning